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So this is awkward.
I was under the impression I was meeting my girls for drinks. What I actually walked into was an intervention, complete with a printed schedule, a rehearsed opening statement, and a mental health officer officer sitting in the corner looking far too prepared for someone who was "just there for moral support."
I want to be clear that I heard every word of it. I just had questions. Mainly about the venue, which nobody consulted me on, and which really could have used better lighting. Also, and I cannot stress this enough, nobody told me to pack, so I am currently, wherever I am, without any heels, which is a crisis all its own and somehow the only one nobody in that room seemed to care about.
There was a lot of language used. Patterns. Concerns that escalated dramatically last Tuesday. Basically the whole substance abuse thing came up, which felt like a betrayal considering I’m always very outspoken against any form of abuse. Without a safeword that is.
I tried to argue my case. I want it on record that I made several excellent points, most of which were interrupted, one of them mid-sentence and one of them mid-drink, which in hindsight might have undercut the argument slightly.
So. I'm not entirely sure how long this takes, or what the process actually looks like once you're the one going through it instead of reading it off a clipboard. As it turns out, I won't be needing any vitamins or TLC to recover from a rough weekend. Apparently it's an actual rehab facility with an address now.
Also, should I ever get back home, I really should have a look at my health insurance, because this place is a dump. I was fully expecting one of those luxury rehab islands where everyone is famous like me, the therapists have ocean views, and relapsing comes with complimentary spa treatments.
I'll be back when I'm back. It's out of my hands, which are tied up at the moment. The guy doing the tying was cute, though. Maybe we'll have some fun later. I overheard someone in the hallway mention it might take until July 29 or 30 to detox me. That sounded a little optimistic, but I'd better not tell them that.
Try not to let the place get too interesting without me. Actually, forget that. Do. I expect a full report when I get out.
Stay awesome and see you soon!
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