Toilets, Glory Holes and DJ Lili
What I needed this week was recuperation. And before you start thinking I was exaggerating about last weekend, trust me when I say recovery was absolutely necessary. I required the full emergency package: a hairdresser, a nail salon, a shopping spree and a statistically concerning amount of male attention to get myself operational again. That last one sounds questionable when phrased like that, but I trust you understand the emotional science involved.
So while this week came with its usual ups and downs, in every possible interpretation of that sentence, I was also preparing for yet another club opening. I know my life probably looks deeply glamorous from the outside. Endless parties, velvet lighting, DJs, drinks, crowds and me floating elegantly through all of it like some beautifully dressed nightlife cryptid. The reality is much simpler.
I’m just beautiful.
Yesterday’s destination was The Cage, another new club opening in the Gigerpunk district of Drune. As I already told you last week, the entire area is kind of a magnificent dump, which honestly explains why every person with nightlife ambitions eventually ends up opening something there. Low rent does a lot for artistic vision. Somewhere along the line, and apparently without sufficient legal oversight, my team approved a request to send over some of my photography work for the club. So when I walked in, I immediately realized my images were already part of the décor. Which means I have now accidentally become associated with yet another nightclub.
I understand this is technically how influence, status and main character energy function, but I really should speak to my management team about casually licensing my presence to every new venue with exposed pipes and industrial lighting.
While contemplating that ongoing crisis, I was immediately intercepted by Hera. Now, you may remember me mentioning last week that her punk bunker rather notably lacked toilets. For some people this apparently caused sanitary concerns. Personally, I just found it inconvenient having to do lines of coke in random corners of the dancefloor like some kind of amateur.
Clearly the toilet comments struck a nerve, because Hera wasted absolutely no time grabbing me and aggressively escorting me toward the bathrooms the moment I arrived. And listen, I usually don’t object to being pushed into a stall by an attractive woman. Historically speaking, that tends to lead to interesting outcomes. But maybe not within thirty seconds of me entering the building. Buy me a drink first. Create atmosphere. Respect the art of anticipation.
But no. Hera simply wanted to show me the toilets as if I was some sort of municipal building inspector. And to be fair to her, they were excellent toilets. I smiled politely, nodded with the appropriate amount of admiration and assured her that yes, these were truly remarkable facilities and yes, she had done an incredible job. Some people just need a little validation and suddenly they’re funding your entire evening.
Although I will admit, while inspecting the situation, I did notice several rather thought-provoking glory holes. So who knows. Maybe I’ll revisit the cultural significance of the bathrooms later.
Back in the main room, the club quickly filled up while DJ Lili stress-tested the structural integrity of the building. Thankfully the walls survived, and so did the crowd, although barely. The dancefloor stayed packed, drinks kept circulating and the energy never really dropped for a second. So I danced, had my drinks, made my fair share of poor decisions and did what I generally do best in nightlife environments: professionally survive them while looking fantastic.
And if that sounds like just another evening at the office, then honestly, that still doesn’t quite do The Cage justice. But as usual, the pictures probably explain it better than I ever could.
Click them for a larger resolution and save.
This post is not sponsored or paid for in any way. I was also not blackmailed or tortured to write it.
Join the awesomeness. Leave an epic reply.
