Going Down in Style
So, when word got out about my oral skills, and it might have helped that I posted about them only yesterday, my management was suddenly overwhelmed with requests for presentations, private demonstrations and consultations. Apparently, word travels fast when you're exceptionally talented. Who knew?
With demand reaching such extraordinary levels, it became increasingly difficult to justify denying the public access to my talents. And when Tamsyn finally presented me with a selection of offers, we did what any sensible management team would do. We picked the one that paid the most. I mean, a staff, an estate and my wardrobe don't just rez out of thin air.
Being fabulous is an expensive business, darling.
So, the meeting was arranged in that city in the desert. Some penthouse suite, breakfast included. Tamsyn handed me the details, and I was sure everything would be perfectly fine. I rarely bother with the details anyway. That's what I have Tamsyn for. A helicopter was sent to pick me up at home. Yes, a helicopter. And yes, at home. I told you about the estate, didn't I?
Now, the first thing I noticed was the pilot. And honestly, what a delightful surprise he was. You know the type. Wavy dark hair, a spotless white shirt stretched over what could only have been a very well-maintained body, those impressive golden stripes on his shoulders, and sunglasses that made him look like he'd stepped straight out of some ridiculously expensive advertising campaign. And then he smiled.
Oh, that smile…
Well, what was I supposed to do? Sit there politely and admire the scenery?
Naturally, I went down on him right there in the helicopter. Trust me, you would have done exactly the same. Don't deny it. I know who you are. Unfortunately, as it turned out, me going down had the rather unexpected consequence of the entire helicopter going down. Now, I realize the whole point of this particular business trip was to demonstrate my extraordinary oral skills, but in hindsight, perhaps I should have considered that rolling eyes, a sudden loss of situational awareness and a general state of temporary paralysis aren't particularly desirable qualities in someone currently operating a helicopter. Especially one that's airborne.
It's a detail, really. But an important one, as we discovered.
Under normal circumstances, this might very well have been my last blog post. Or, come to think of it, it wouldn't have been a blog post at all, and you'd have been left wondering whatever happened to that gorgeous woman who made your life so much more interesting.
Tragic, really. Mostly for you.
But as it turns out, I was born lucky. And I'm not just talking about my genetics, my looks or my extraordinary collection of natural talents. No, I'm lucky in practically every aspect of life. Because, of all the places where a helicopter could crash, ours came down right outside the Hedos' build at Burn2. The Hedos! My friends!
I mean, seriously, what are the odds? One moment you're plummeting out of the sky in a helicopter, the next you're practically on the doorstep of people you know. If that isn't good fortune, I don't know what is. So I picked myself up, walked into the Hedos' place and got myself a drink and some pharmaceuticals. I mean, people offered and I was just in a fucking helicopter crash!
Naturally, there were questions. Quite a few, actually. About that burning helicopter outside, my appearance, and what exactly had happened to the pilot who was in fetal position in the corner of the dance floor. Honestly, people can be so inquisitive.
I politely avoided answering most of them, enjoyed my drink and waited for Tamsyn to come and collect me. I suppose I should have called the client to explain why I wasn't going to make our appointment, but really, that's management's responsibility. Besides, after everything I'd been through, I felt I'd already done more than my fair share of work for the day.
And if you ask me, the pilot certainly got his money's worth.
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This post is not sponsored or paid for in any way. I was also not blackmailed or tortured to write it.
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